Dear Fellow Commuters,
It’s rush hour. It’s been a long day, and we’re all tired. What did you do all day: consulting, executive assisting, banking, lawyering, telemarketing? That’s nice. I spent the day chasing young children around. If it was a good day, they also learned something. Well, this seat I’m in sure is comfy. It’s such a shame that you don’t have a seat, too. You know what you should’ve done? You should’ve gotten on the train at 63rd and the Dan Ryan, like I did. Oh, you’ve never been that far south before? You’re worried that if you go that far south you’ll get shot? I wouldn’t worry about that if I were you. There are so few white people in Englewood, especially white people wearing business casual, that everyone would just stare at you in confusion until the CPD rolled up and asked you if you were lost or trying to buy drugs.
Wow, this seat feels nice. It was so easy to get, too. When I got on the red line, right smack dab in the middle of the hood, there were so many seats open. Every time you get on the train at Grand at 6pm, it’s already jam-packed, and you end up clutching the overhead bar and trying not to stumble over some dude’s loafer-clad feet. That never happens to me.
Oh, are your feet sore? Is your back aching? Sorry, I’m just savoring this. This is the only time that the racial and socioeconomic segregation of Chicago communities works in my favor. If only you had gotten on the train in the hood, you too could be enjoying a seat right now. Oh well, sucks to be you, attractive, well-educated white person in your twenties or thirties with a middle- to high-income job. At least, for 90-minutes of daily commuting it sucks to be you.
Here we are at Fullerton. It’s time for me to get off. You can have my seat now. My black ass kept it nice and warm for you. Enjoy the rest of your night. Hopefully, by the time I’m finishing up seeing my therapist and heading back to 63rd you’ll be finishing up dinner or an evening workout or this evening’s episode of The Daily Show. Good luck putting your kids to bed, doing some data entry left over from work today, and/or discussing with your partner whether you should buy holiday plane tickets this month or next month. Take care, and if you’re ever feeling adventurous, come visit us on the South Side. You can get some pretty nice leggings and t-shirts for super cheap at the beauty supply store and stock up on raw shea butter. I know you don’t think that you need shea butter, but, trust me, your knees and elbows will thank me. Also, parking is way easier down here. Oh wait, I guess you don’t have a car. That’s why you’re standing on a train at 6:30pm. Well, see ya later.